ATBK Update

I've been on some what of a sabbatical from creating in this space - not really knowing or expecting when I'd be back.

After some time off and taking that time to do life off screen - which really shouldn't be as hard as I made it out to be in my head - I was able to learn so much more about myself then I would have if I stayed on the last few months.

That said, I also learned I have more words to share than I thought I did my first time around on ATBK.

Rather than using this space as an attempt to win some over with whit, recipes, and whatever else draws people to blogs from my assumptions - I know that I want to make this a space filled with intentional encouragement, spontaneous word vomit, and a well of real-life tasks you can take home with you.

For now, here are a few updates that have led change in purpose for my little corner of the web:

Sequoia Grace

How nervous and thrilled can a person be at the same time to become a first time parent?

I'll tell you: surprisingly very much both at the same time. Jason and I found out in early February that we'd be welcoming our little babe in October (best month out of the year for me already, so let's just add that reason to the mix). And holy cow it's next month, you guys. In July, we had a baby shower in SoCal and found out we'd be having a little girl! For anyone curious to know: we thought (and were leaning toward, if I'm being honest) we were having a boy. Lo and behold, pink confetti came falling down after we popped the balloon and I cried, ya'll. Reason #1: we could finally call our little nugget by name. We can put the name we've had picked out for over a year to her. Reason #2: I was terrified to the core of becoming a mother to a little girl.

You know what though? Now I am undoubtedly so excited we are having Sequoia. Boy or girl, we are extremely lucky to have our little one on the way, and we will never take this for granted.

As of today, we have the nursery put together (we call it "Quoia's Corner" because apartment living doesn't allow for grandiose baby rooms - also, mom and dad need more space than she does, so there's that). Taking a couple of baby basics classes in the next week because we know little to nothing on how to keep a tiny human alive.

This little girl has taken a lot out of me physically and mentally throughout this pregnancy, but man are we stoked to finally meet her in a few short weeks.

We Moved!

We're still in our town of Folsom, and in the same complex, but just two buildings over, we are now in a two-bed two-bath apartment (#adulting)! More space, a fireplace, and more kitchen countertop space? Yes please and thank you. Though we love the ease of this move compared to others, there are more than a handful of days where Jas and I look at each other and ask, "why did we not move into a rental house?" or "how much would it be to buy a trailer and rent some land out of state?". We know the answers why, and we would have made the same decision for many reasons if given the chance again. As it is in our twenties, we question whether what we're doing is "right" because so many others seem to have their dog, house, and dream career by now (what the heck, let's throw in a million dollars, shall we?). Not the case - it just seems that way.

If you're in a similar boat and feel like you're doing something wrong when you're trying to do it right, don't give up on what your goals are. If living in a van down by the river floats your boat, do it. If owning a five bed room 4 bathroom home with a huge yard is your dream, keep doing the work to get there.

Battle with Anxiety + Depression

This isn't a light topic - and it can honestly go a lot of different ways. I can only really share what my experience has been, and not go based off of what you or someone else has, because that's not okay to compare stories like scarlet letters (no one's is "better" or more real than the other).

To keep it short: yes, I battle with this. I say "battle" because it is literally like fighting myself on all of the things a day may or may not bring and then some. There's no predicting when it will come or when it goes. What I do know is that it does end, and the fog lifts; the phase is removed and grace shows itself like an old time friend that never really left. It's draining, but like all terrifying and numbing experiences, we can take what happened and morph it into steps to push us forward, or we can allow it to pull us down (which admittedly, I do too).

This is part of the reason why I've been absent from writing - oh the irony, since I claim writing is like therapy to me. How easily we forget the things that heal us (I should write that down).

To close on this, I've discovered some things that I've learned bring me life: baking + cleaning + listening to Hillsong Worship/Noah Gunderson/Johnny Swim/Ingrid Michaelson brings me life and joyful tears on days like this. Sitting on the couch with Jason talking about our dreams, hardships and the in-betweens sparks my soul. Going out for a ridiculously priced latte that I could probably just make at home with people I love gets me excited. Watching football and yelling at the ref who has no idea what I'm saying fuels my firey, passionate opinions that tend to go too far sometimes, but that's me. And you know what?

I am so not ashamed of what makes me feel alive.

I think there are times where we can feel embarrassed by what brings us joy because it's "stereotypical" or "not really fun" in the eyes of others. Can I just say something? Um, screw that life. If you're doing something you have a passion for, guys, and it's not harmful or outright disrespectful to others (I'm not encouraging you to TP your neighbors house because you think it'll be fun, K?) - keep on doing that thing.

Be your own boss. Bake that cake. Mentor those teens. Raise those rambunctious, sticky fingered children. Be a full-time working parent.

This life is too short to put our daily to-do lists in the hands of people who really don't care that much as you think they do. And if they care too much, guide them my way and I'll share a few words with them.

The Season is Among Us

Is anyone as excited as I am that the time has come?

You know, when all of us basic ladies and fellas come out of our caves with our favorite scarves that have been so wrongly locked away during the summer months, cute boots, pumpkin spice everything, annoying talk about the change in weather, and so much more? You know I've already made some pumpkin flavored desserts and latte's because it's a fact that if you do this and wear sweaters the weather will change sooner (false).

To you, my reader;

I am excited to begin writing more about what in life can excite us and bring us joys. I'm looking forward to sharing some more recipes, improv life hacks and your daily dose of encouragement.

Here's to all of what is yet to come (with coffee in hand),

Kimber